Isha Knill - Business Coaching
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How are Limiting Beliefs formed

Isha Knill - Wednesday, August 30, 2017

How are Limiting Belief's Formed?

Last month at Thriving Women, I talked a bit on beliefs, particularly how limited beliefs are formed and how they inhibit our ability to really experience the abundance we are meant to experience in every waking moment.  

What has this to do with business? 

Whether we are aware of it or not our business is shaped by our beliefs, they are pivotal to how we experience life and are the driving force behind our success and failure and are the driving force behind the way we experience the life we are living. 

So how are beliefs formed?  We come into the world with a certain amount of what I call pre-programming which scientists are now able to prove through epigenetics and DNA.  I think the easiest way to explain this is that when an unknown virus enters our body, initially we get sick because our bodies defence mechanism isn’t familiar with what this virus is.  However, our defence mechanism quickly gets to work to defend against this virus and in the process, it also takes a blue print of this virus which is memorised, so should this virus enter our body again, it recognised and combatted  before it becomes an issue. 

Our DNA works in a similar way and has been developed over millions and millions of years.  It is pivotal to our evolvement and ability to survive as a species.    

The rest of the programming we receive comes from the families we are birthed into.  Why is this necessary?  When we come to each life we are here to do a combination of both, resolve past life karma and achieve dharma. 

Karma is man’s conditioned mind that keeps us trapped in unconscious patterns of pain and suffering that we keep repeating.  The journey out of karma is consciousness because it is consciousness that enables us to change patterning and stop it from continuing.  

Thoughts form beliefs that are handed down from generation to generation both through families and society.  They are thoughts like “money is the root of all evil”, “you must be thin”, “you must be a good girl/boy”, “you must go to Church every Sunday” – the list is endless.   When you look around you, much of what we experience comes from the collective unconscious mind and sadly for many in keeps us trapped in a world of suffering.

Dharma is our life’s purpose, or a better way of describing this is life purposes.  There is a thinking that we come here to achieve one purpose but I have come to understand that we have purposes but as this is another large topic I will cover more on this at another time in another post. 

Whether we realise it or not we are birthed into families that have contracted to help us spiritually evolve; resolve our karma as well as help us to achieve our dharma.  This can be a hard concept for some people to understand, particularly when they have experienced a lot of pain.  Unfortunately, as a species we transform through pain. Until we wake up, we experience pain before we change, pain is the catalyst for change, it is there as a mechanism to wake us up and bring about transformation. 

Many of our beliefs float around in the human consciousness which come to us through thought.  The thoughts we latch onto are guided by the individual programming we have been given which then drive the way we live our life.

So what do I mean by this?

One of the main purposes of the mind is to think. Thoughts come in and out our mind continually, a bit like background static that never goes away.  The thoughts we latch onto are the ones that have been given to us by outside influences like our parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles etc and because we see these people as being people of authority, we never really question these thoughts, we accept them as truth and absorb them into ourselves, shaping our lives according to the thinking we have been given.

The main purpose of life, whether we are conscious of it or not, is love.  I believe as a species our purpose is to evolve to a place of continuous love where there is no judgement, pain or suffering, only compassion, empathy and understanding.  Right from our inception to when we are birthed and beyond we seek love.  The true journey of human evolution is self-love, when we learn to love ourselves we are then able to live love. 

What does love have to do with our beliefs?

In the beginning, when we come into our world we look to the outside world to show us that we are loveable.  When we do things that don’t get the attention we seek, we learn to mould and contort ourselves to gain the love that we seek. 

For example, let’s say you are a particularly bright child and your sibling isn’t as bright as you.  When you step into your brilliance, you pick up through your parent’s facial expressions and the things that they say that they aren’t happy with the fact that you can outshine your sibling.  The interpretation you take away from this exchange is that this behaviour is unloveable, so in response to this thinking the first thing we do is decide that there is something wrong with us, that we are wrong.  The next thing we do is start to mould and contort to hide our brilliance because we have learnt that it isn’t something that will give us the love that we seek. 

The sad thing about this example is that our brilliance isn’t something to hide.  Instead of us feeling that there is something wrong, the problem really sits with the mother and her response to being brilliant, it is more about what the mother thinks about the brilliance that creates the shame for the one who is brilliant. 

The interesting thing about this is that this thinking has been passed down to her by her parents and society at large, we have a long history of shaming and even blaming people who stand out and are different.  Many, many years ago these people were outcasts, often called witches or heretics and even burnt at the stake, it is little wonder we are conditioned to hide our brilliance because of the fear that has been deeply embedded in to our psyche of what could happen to you if you truly allow yourself to shine. 

Over time we take in the thinking of the people around us and allow this to shape who we become.  The biggest problem is that often this programming creates internal conflict because we spend much of our time trying to match the thinking we have been given which is often in conflict with who we really are. 

The other thing it does is it causes us to shape our reality.  Our conditioning influences reality and the way we experience reality. We don’t see the world as it is, we see it according to what we have been taught to think i.e. the belief we have been.  Our belief influences how we see the world and stops us from experiencing the abundance that is available to us in every waking moment.   

So, I can hear you asking why does this matter in business?

I mentioned above that we tend to see ourselves as the problem instead of questioning the thinking that is out of harmony with what is.  For example, if we use the example above, the reality is that the child is brilliant and it is the thinking about brilliance that is out of harmony with the child, not the child who is wrong.  In response to our parent’s thinking about how we should behave in the world, particularly if we are out of harmony with their thoughts, we form beliefs about ourselves like ‘I’m not good enough’ or ‘I’m mustn’t outshine my sibling. 

The issue with the belief ‘I’m not good enough’ is that in response to this thinking we often go out into the world to prove that we are good enough.  Here in lies the rub.  In our quest to be good enough we often become overachievers determined to prove ourselves.  The problem is that because of the limiting belief that is stuck deep in our sub-conscious that we are in fact ‘not good enough’ as we achieve success we also start to sabotage our success and we do this in brilliant ways!

It becomes a bit like an elastic band, we stretch out to prove we are good enough only to snap back when we get past our level of comfort and move back to the ‘I’m not good enough’ space that we comfortable with which sets up a continual cycle of success and failure.

The same can be said about ‘I mustn’t outshine my sibling’ as we go out into the world we inhibit ourselves and our chance to shine, or if we start to shine we unconsciously begin to sabotage this behaviour so that we can feel safe and not threaten our sibling.  The other problem is that in trying not to outshine our sibling we are going against our core which means we move out of harmony with who we are.  This sets up a cycled of frustration and pain because we step into our brilliance and then snap back to ‘not outshining’ and so the cycle continues.

How we have been taught to think also influences how we manage people and our expectations of people which can be particularly detrimental in the workplace.

If you truly wish to succeed, the key is in learning to unravel yourself, in unravelling yourself you become equipped to manage yourself and your life as well as understand others and how their thinking drives their behaviour.  Most importantly you become equip to manage this behaviour.

If you find yourself stuck in the cycle of success and failure and feel like you are on a hamster wheel of frustration because you just can’t seem to get ahead, and would like support to step out of this cycle then please feel free to contact me via my website so we can set up a time for a 30-minute free no-obligation chat to move you forward. 

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